Life Will Go On
My journey has not ended. I will go on. It just wasn't meant to be. Just because I didn't get accpeted this year doesn't mean I can't audition the next year.
I hate being optomistic right now. I hate it. I want to crawl into a hole and cry. I want to break down and sob. Why don't I? Because I am trying to look on the bright side. I am trying not to be so depressed all the time. I need to move on. But I don't know if I can just yet.
I hate how people tell me all the time that I am going to get a certain part or that I am going to get into or onto a certain thing. Take All-State for example. Everyone said that if there was to be only one Hilhi person on All-State, it would have been me. Who was the one girl who didn't make All-State? Me. With Once Upon a Mattress everyone said that I was going to be Winnefred. I wasn't, not that I didn't mind not being her seeing as I had a lot of fun being the Queen. And now this.....everyone said that I was going to get into the musical theatre program. Everyone said I was a shoe-in. I'm not.
I can blame the fact that I didn't have the time to go down to the school and audition there and that the day I auditioned they were running late so everything was rushed and I didn't get to dance for them and that they didn't require teacher reccomendations so I didn't turn one in because I didn't give any teachers enough warning and so that is why I didn't get in.....but I don't think I can balme anyone else but myself. I know I wasn't as prepared as I could have been. Yeah, I could say that about anything and it wouldn't be true, but I think it is. Overall, my audition wasn't that pleasing to me, despite what I may have said about it in an earlier post. After I had auditioned, I felt that it was not going be. Maybe I felt that because I am just too hard on myself. But I was right, wasn't I? Yes, I was.
I know I can audition at the end of my freshman year, I know I can still go there and take electives that are performing arts, I know I can still go and have fun there......but I don't know if I want to be that far away and not be in the program I wanted to be in. I'll have to go in as an undecided major, even though I know what I want to do.
So if you haven't guessed...I dind't make it into the Musical Theatre Program at Otterbein.
Now I have the task of deciding if I'd rather go to Otterbein anyway and just try-out again the next year....or go to Cal Lutheran where I know I'd be in the programs (either theatre or choir) but the training for musical theare is no where near Otterbein's. Do I go somewhere closer to home or somewhere farther away but with someone I know and love dearly? Do I go somewhere that is cheaper and a better scholarship but not my first choice or do I go somewhere that is more expensive and not as good of a scholarship but is my first choice?
When I first auditioned for Otterbein, Mom asled me, "Even if you don't get accpeted into the program, do you still want to go?" I said, "Yes". I suppose I should stick with my answer. I really did like the school. But I really just don't knwo right now. In the words of John Proctor, "I'll think on it".
On a happier note, at today's play practice I fell over. If you really want to know what happened, ask me over the phone or in person. It's a much better story when spoken.
In short, life will go on.
I hate being optomistic right now. I hate it. I want to crawl into a hole and cry. I want to break down and sob. Why don't I? Because I am trying to look on the bright side. I am trying not to be so depressed all the time. I need to move on. But I don't know if I can just yet.
I hate how people tell me all the time that I am going to get a certain part or that I am going to get into or onto a certain thing. Take All-State for example. Everyone said that if there was to be only one Hilhi person on All-State, it would have been me. Who was the one girl who didn't make All-State? Me. With Once Upon a Mattress everyone said that I was going to be Winnefred. I wasn't, not that I didn't mind not being her seeing as I had a lot of fun being the Queen. And now this.....everyone said that I was going to get into the musical theatre program. Everyone said I was a shoe-in. I'm not.
I can blame the fact that I didn't have the time to go down to the school and audition there and that the day I auditioned they were running late so everything was rushed and I didn't get to dance for them and that they didn't require teacher reccomendations so I didn't turn one in because I didn't give any teachers enough warning and so that is why I didn't get in.....but I don't think I can balme anyone else but myself. I know I wasn't as prepared as I could have been. Yeah, I could say that about anything and it wouldn't be true, but I think it is. Overall, my audition wasn't that pleasing to me, despite what I may have said about it in an earlier post. After I had auditioned, I felt that it was not going be. Maybe I felt that because I am just too hard on myself. But I was right, wasn't I? Yes, I was.
I know I can audition at the end of my freshman year, I know I can still go there and take electives that are performing arts, I know I can still go and have fun there......but I don't know if I want to be that far away and not be in the program I wanted to be in. I'll have to go in as an undecided major, even though I know what I want to do.
So if you haven't guessed...I dind't make it into the Musical Theatre Program at Otterbein.
Now I have the task of deciding if I'd rather go to Otterbein anyway and just try-out again the next year....or go to Cal Lutheran where I know I'd be in the programs (either theatre or choir) but the training for musical theare is no where near Otterbein's. Do I go somewhere closer to home or somewhere farther away but with someone I know and love dearly? Do I go somewhere that is cheaper and a better scholarship but not my first choice or do I go somewhere that is more expensive and not as good of a scholarship but is my first choice?
When I first auditioned for Otterbein, Mom asled me, "Even if you don't get accpeted into the program, do you still want to go?" I said, "Yes". I suppose I should stick with my answer. I really did like the school. But I really just don't knwo right now. In the words of John Proctor, "I'll think on it".
On a happier note, at today's play practice I fell over. If you really want to know what happened, ask me over the phone or in person. It's a much better story when spoken.
In short, life will go on.
posted by Crystal @ 9:51 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:23 PM,
kirsten said…
I love you and I hope that you forgive me if I do the "telling what part you're going to get thing." I don't realize I'm doing it for one, and the other: I only do it because I know you are super talented and you can do anything!!! So, yeah... you are so good that you can get whatever you want... remember: God has a plan for you and maybe if not Otterbein this year, next year. I love you so much girl! It stinks that I didn't know any of this today... i should go online more often, but yeah. I'm going to give you a huge hug tomorrow whether you want it or not.
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