Numb

A lot has happened in just 18 hours. I won't go into detail, but I really don't feel anything. I feel....empty. I want to just cry. I have several ideas as to why I want to cry, but I don't really have the...strength?...to cry. I wish things had gone differently. I wish I didn't have to go back to college. I wish people didn't have to leave. I wish we all could have left together. That would have made everything better.

Brooke's going to Disneyland with Courtney and Bubba. They're auditioning for a Cruise line...well Brooke isn't, but she's going to Disneyland with them after the audition. Jealous? You bet. But I'm also happy for her. She gets to go have fun. She gets to experience being with other people than just our family. For once, she's leaving me. I get to know how it feels to be left.

Even though I loved having a week and a half of break before everyone else, it still stinks to have to go back when everyone else has a break.

I wish I knew what to feel...what to do. I don't feel like doing anything, watching anything, feeling anything. I'm lost.