Play + Homework = Stress and No Dance
I felt very depressed/stressed all day today. I had so much on my mind. First off, I'm getting homework like no other...I expected it from Denny, but Allnutt is giving page after page, problem after problem. It's a never ending cycle of math problems that I don't understand! I almost cried because I was so lost...something I haven't done for a very long time. And no I didn't ask for help from Mr. Allnut because a few seconds later Alison helped me figure out teh problem. But then I came to another rode block and the tears almost came yet again. I just don't get vectors. It's a fact of life. I don't understand what they are asking me to do and I don't know how to go about solving the problem they ask me to solve. I can get it when I'm talking it out with someone, but when I'm by myself and not talking...forget it. I get lost.
Tomorrow, we're supposed to have Act 1 memorized. I tried to do so today...it wasn't horrible, but I was really choppy. We were also supposed to do a character sketch thing and mine was horrific. I tried to find reviews of my character being played by others, but I couldn't find any...I know Sil would be able to find them, but she's skilled like that. So my character sketch was horrible and I was already in a bad mood from math. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure with getting my lines memorized too because I am a senior actor (in this case senoir means experinced). So people look up to me as an example and I feel really bad for not knowing my lines really well. I really want to pull a Devin and have my script with me even though we aren't supposed to...don't try to defend him, we all know he did that pretty much all last year (mainly thinking of Into the Woods). Anyway, I went over my lines with Mom and they weren't too bad, but I know they'll be worse tomorrow because everyone will be off script so it'll be very very choppy.
You may be wondering why I was in a bad mood this morning. Well, I wasn't in one before school because Breakfast Club was awesome! There were so many people! Then I got to school and I made sure Ms. Butler got the check for All-State and then went to English. Well, I don't understand Shakespear too well, so I really don't enjoy thinking about what the character's are trying to say. I like having Ms. Denny tell me what's going on...yes I know, I should be thinking for myself, btu I only get the lower level thinking stuff...not the deeper meanings. And we are supposed to do a commentary on the "To be or not to be" sililoque. I dont' really understand what he is saying...yes I get some, but not all, and I have finding characterization and symbols and similies, etc. Pretty much I like English because I like Ms. Denny and I like reading books, though as I commented a while ago I hate highlighting. Physics was ok. I'm not really understanding waves too well. I kind of get it but not really. It's the same situation with math, I get it when I am able to talk it out with other people, btu when left alone, I get lost. Lunch was fun...it always is. In history I worked on the poster for our presentation on Friday/Monday. It's pretty much done and we are in the library for the rest of the week. So while I was working on the poster, Jake helped me memorize my lines. Drama was fine...it always is, though my Confrence of the Birds assignment wasn't too great either. Then math happened. The play practice.
My day got better when Charlotte went to my aunt's house to get measured for her dress. That was fun. I like Charlotte.
Then I came home feeling depressed because I knew I had a lot to do. I called my mom and she said to make a list of everything I have to do and then prioritize. So I made a list of all the assignments that I knew of and put them in order from most important to least. Dad and I also decided that I shouldn't go to dance so that I could work on the assignments and get as many done as possible. I started at about 6:30 and ended at 10:30. That's right...4 hours of homework, and I only did 3 assignments...however the ones due tomorrow are done and one out of 3 due Friday is done (are done?).
I felt a lot less stressed doing the homewrok instead of going to dance, but I really feel like a slacker not going to dance. Not only am I not assisting this year (due to my busy schedule I hope), but I'm missing out on a lot of things. I'm jealous of how close certain people have become with Heather because they are there all the time and I feel like I'm getting farther away, which I don't want. I feel my dancing skills have become much worse 1) because I didn't dance all summer and 2) because I'm not at dance all the time. I hate missing my dance class on Mondays. I'd sometimes rather be there than at Chorale. I really hope the new teacher understands my situation and won't punnish me (like putting me int eh back of the dance) because I wasn't able to be there all the time and so she doesn't know how I dance. There are times I wish I didn't do teh plays, but I feel I need to be more obligated now more than ever since Michelle, Jennifer, and Missy are gone. And I really don't want to not do the plays, but I really miss dancing. I hate how I have become a lesser dancer because I'm not there 24/7. I just don't know what to do!
To add to my stress, I have the Extended Essay I still need to write, the TOK Essay, the History Presentation, Sililoque for Hamlet, write a better character sketch, memorize Act 2, fix the Research Commition from last year, fix the Critical Review from last year, write my drama project thing (directing a one act), SAT Nov 5, college stuff in general,fix the 2 English papers from last year, oh and not suck at acting! I feel like a complete failure because I didn't do my extended essay over the summer, I didn't fix all the papers I was supposed to fix (except the english ones...I fixed them but they need more fixing), and I didnt' look at college stuff over the summer (visiting the 4 colleges doesn't count because I really didnt' know much about them before I went).
So I am feeling very stressed. I want to cry. Jennifer, Michelle...I wish you were here! I could use your hugs and laughs and everything.
And on that happy note, Happy Birthday Kirsten! I hope your day was wonderful!
Tomorrow, we're supposed to have Act 1 memorized. I tried to do so today...it wasn't horrible, but I was really choppy. We were also supposed to do a character sketch thing and mine was horrific. I tried to find reviews of my character being played by others, but I couldn't find any...I know Sil would be able to find them, but she's skilled like that. So my character sketch was horrible and I was already in a bad mood from math. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure with getting my lines memorized too because I am a senior actor (in this case senoir means experinced). So people look up to me as an example and I feel really bad for not knowing my lines really well. I really want to pull a Devin and have my script with me even though we aren't supposed to...don't try to defend him, we all know he did that pretty much all last year (mainly thinking of Into the Woods). Anyway, I went over my lines with Mom and they weren't too bad, but I know they'll be worse tomorrow because everyone will be off script so it'll be very very choppy.
You may be wondering why I was in a bad mood this morning. Well, I wasn't in one before school because Breakfast Club was awesome! There were so many people! Then I got to school and I made sure Ms. Butler got the check for All-State and then went to English. Well, I don't understand Shakespear too well, so I really don't enjoy thinking about what the character's are trying to say. I like having Ms. Denny tell me what's going on...yes I know, I should be thinking for myself, btu I only get the lower level thinking stuff...not the deeper meanings. And we are supposed to do a commentary on the "To be or not to be" sililoque. I dont' really understand what he is saying...yes I get some, but not all, and I have finding characterization and symbols and similies, etc. Pretty much I like English because I like Ms. Denny and I like reading books, though as I commented a while ago I hate highlighting. Physics was ok. I'm not really understanding waves too well. I kind of get it but not really. It's the same situation with math, I get it when I am able to talk it out with other people, btu when left alone, I get lost. Lunch was fun...it always is. In history I worked on the poster for our presentation on Friday/Monday. It's pretty much done and we are in the library for the rest of the week. So while I was working on the poster, Jake helped me memorize my lines. Drama was fine...it always is, though my Confrence of the Birds assignment wasn't too great either. Then math happened. The play practice.
My day got better when Charlotte went to my aunt's house to get measured for her dress. That was fun. I like Charlotte.
Then I came home feeling depressed because I knew I had a lot to do. I called my mom and she said to make a list of everything I have to do and then prioritize. So I made a list of all the assignments that I knew of and put them in order from most important to least. Dad and I also decided that I shouldn't go to dance so that I could work on the assignments and get as many done as possible. I started at about 6:30 and ended at 10:30. That's right...4 hours of homework, and I only did 3 assignments...however the ones due tomorrow are done and one out of 3 due Friday is done (are done?).
I felt a lot less stressed doing the homewrok instead of going to dance, but I really feel like a slacker not going to dance. Not only am I not assisting this year (due to my busy schedule I hope), but I'm missing out on a lot of things. I'm jealous of how close certain people have become with Heather because they are there all the time and I feel like I'm getting farther away, which I don't want. I feel my dancing skills have become much worse 1) because I didn't dance all summer and 2) because I'm not at dance all the time. I hate missing my dance class on Mondays. I'd sometimes rather be there than at Chorale. I really hope the new teacher understands my situation and won't punnish me (like putting me int eh back of the dance) because I wasn't able to be there all the time and so she doesn't know how I dance. There are times I wish I didn't do teh plays, but I feel I need to be more obligated now more than ever since Michelle, Jennifer, and Missy are gone. And I really don't want to not do the plays, but I really miss dancing. I hate how I have become a lesser dancer because I'm not there 24/7. I just don't know what to do!
To add to my stress, I have the Extended Essay I still need to write, the TOK Essay, the History Presentation, Sililoque for Hamlet, write a better character sketch, memorize Act 2, fix the Research Commition from last year, fix the Critical Review from last year, write my drama project thing (directing a one act), SAT Nov 5, college stuff in general,fix the 2 English papers from last year, oh and not suck at acting! I feel like a complete failure because I didn't do my extended essay over the summer, I didn't fix all the papers I was supposed to fix (except the english ones...I fixed them but they need more fixing), and I didnt' look at college stuff over the summer (visiting the 4 colleges doesn't count because I really didnt' know much about them before I went).
So I am feeling very stressed. I want to cry. Jennifer, Michelle...I wish you were here! I could use your hugs and laughs and everything.
And on that happy note, Happy Birthday Kirsten! I hope your day was wonderful!
posted by Crystal @ 11:10 PM
2 Comments:
At 9:32 AM,
William said…
hey cc,
i know this is hard to see right now, but things will work themselves out CC, i promise you that. life will make sure that everything falls into place, and you'll end up doing the activities you are supposed to do, and you'll end up at the college you're supposed to be at, etc. i want to talk to you a lot, can you let me know when you are not busy so i can give you a call? oh, are you on verizon? in which case i can call whenever, if not, i'll hvae to call after 9PM my time, or 6PM your time that is. I LOVE YOU so much CC, and i await to hear your sweet voice!
At 9:31 PM,
kirsten said…
I love you, CC! A lot! thanks for the birthday note and I am going to give you a hug tomorrow because hugs take some stress away. Remember, I don't get vectors either....
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