The Internet is Back!

January 23
Sorry folks….my internet went down for a bit. I don’t really know why. But of course, who does?

I was going to have a ranting and venting section here about DT, but instead I am not going to post it for the simple fact that I am now over it. The moment has passed. I ranted and vented to my mom and that made me feel better.

My knees hurt. I hate that. It hurts to walk up and down my stairs; it hurts to sit certain ways; it hurts to do pretty much anything. For this reason (and homework), I did not go to ballet class tonight. I feel bad because I haven’t been in a while, but I needed to get homework done so I wouldn’t be up all night and my knees would have hurt throughout the entire class anyway so what was the point of putting myself through more pain? They had better get better tomorrow, or else the play will be miserable.

I am starting to agree with Ryan and Ermine when they told me that 2006 was a bad year. Why? Well, it seems that not a lot of exciting things have happened to me this year. It could just be because today was not such a good day….but looking back at my senior year so far, not a lot of exciting things have happened…at least not as many as last year. I would have been totally content with graduating last year. Last year was a good year….Encore (as weird as that sounds), All-Northwest, Into the Woods, Dance Team in general, Dance Team at State, becoming closer to friends, meeting new people, State Solo 3rd place, Kindergarten, Mrs. Cea….the list goes on. This year: All-State Choir, All-State Dance Team, Musical Comedy Murders, theater class, learning to fix/hang/plug in/fly lights, meeting new people, becoming closer to friends, The Crucible (coming soon!)…..I think the list ends about there. I just don’t enjoy things like I did last year. Encore is different, I don’t really like the musical, DT has made me irritated more than it ever has (is that because I am a captain and now have more responsibilities?), I hate how choir things always interfere with dance things (like I almost couldn’t go to a game b/c of a choir thing she didn’t tell us about until like 2 days before, I haven’t been to a full week of classes in forever…probably since the summer), I hate how I feel more responsible for the plays this year and feel more stressed out about them, I hate how the only reason I like going to school is to go to drama class to hang out with the drama geeks, I hate how unmotivated I have become….I no longer want to learn for learning’s sake. I just want to get the homework done so I can do other things. I hate how I’m always so tired and cranky. I hate having choir practice during lunches and not telling her that most of us hate it b/c I fear she’ll hate me if only I tell her….though why should I fear her? I only have about half a year left with her….that’s a lie since I’m not in Encore 3rd tri due to scheduling conflicts. So I’m pretty much done with her….but still I feel afraid to tell her that we don’t want lunchtime rehearsals…..but I don’t think the other girls will ever get together to tell her with me. Some will I know, but it should be all of us or none of us. If all of us went, then we’d get our point across. I hate how I have this feeling inside me that wants to get out, but it can’t. I know how to let it go, but I don’t want to…not yet anyway. But I hate how it stays bottled up inside me. I want to scream, but I can’t. I want to cry, but I can’t.

The moral of the story is…..I need a vacation. Right now. I need a break. I need to go to Disney World. I need to be somewhere where I know I’ll have a good time. I need to have some time with my sister, just her and me…in Disney World…..or at a theme park of some sort. I just need to get away from school, from the high school drama that goes on everyday, from the self pity that is experienced, from the hard classes, from the homework, from everything unpleasant.

I realize I just wrote what I call a “poor me” post…..but I needed to get that out. Thanks for reading. I truly didn’t mean for it to be one of these posts, but it did.

On a happier note, my lyrics for The Nightingale Lullaby are done. Crucible auditions are soon. Tomorrow Nathan and I get to work with Linda on our scene. Hooray!!!!!!!

January 24
As exciting as today was, I really don't have much to say.

While working with Linda, Nathan's and my scene has now totally changed how we present it. It has a lot of varying levels and emotional changes now that Linda has gone through it. I think it is a lot better now...however it was really hard for both of us to keep a straight face while performing. We have yet to run through it without laughing. Though I will have you know that I was NOT the first to laugh during our first performance. Nathan started the laughter and then I followed. Once the laughing factor has gone, I think the scene will be a lot better than what we originally had. Well of course, once anyone has worked with Linda, the scene or monologue usually turns out better.

Well, I need to get to work on English. Good night.